State of the Mind


Blank.
A feeling I identify with
Confused.
A state I have been in lately
Sleepless
This describes me right now

Darkness ensues all around me
The light in my room, still burns
I scribble these notes on these pages
I am awake and I don’t know why

Afraid.
I didn’t know growing up would be such a task
Scared.
of the future and all it holds
Excited.
About the future and all it holds

I know it will eventually be fine
Maybe I should give it time
I know what this means
Yet, I can’t explain

Stay true to yourself. Never be ashamed of doing what feels right. Decide what you think is right and stick to it.

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Breaking the silence…


I have not been here in a long while. I have not had a moment of stillness for the couple of months. As we enter the 2nd half of this year, I will purpose to:

  • Be still;
  • Pray more;
  • Listen more;
  • Read more.

It takes zeal and constant dedication to achieve that. A short list of exercises that when well executed will lead me to discoveries beyond self.

As I grow one year older, I purpose to be a better man, better brother and to stay improving day by day…

 

I am tormented by my dreams

Tortured by this fleeting glimpse of hope

Frustrated with this difficult life.

Lost.

So I look to the setting sun, therein lies beauty of the creator

The starless night sky

As the moon hides away from my sight

Lost.

I feel the lifeless cold of the tiled floor

The drip drop of the tap

and the smell of the rotting garbage

Lost.

Nimbus clouds gather in the distance,

The rain is coming

Dampening my old darkened mood

Lost.

 

β€œIn this world, it is too common for people to search for someone to lose themselves in. But I am already lost. I will look for someone to find myself in.”
― C. JoyBell C.

 

I am still finding me.

 

Awake and away


 

I left my body in this chair as my soul drifts away

Searching for that I cannot attain

Longing for that which cannot quench

I remember…

Β 

Like it was yesterday,

It will remain nothing but a memory

That which we could have had

I will remember

Β 

When I do, I will walk away

And I will remind you

That this was nothing but a dream,

As I wake up

No title


Raindrops,

The call of the Hadada Ibis.

The sun on my skin,

Footsteps in the distance.

You are not here.

 

Nightfall,

The howl of the dogs,

The glow of the moonlight,

Raindrops… again

You are not here.

 

Silence,

The happy laughter of children,

Emptiness,

Then silence.

I am tormented by your silence.

 

 

 

Random Rumblings


Dear Patience,

There is no apology or excuse befitting my silence. I will just lay it here plainly: I am sorry.
It is cold here but it is even colder without you. I know those are not the words I planned to start with. You see, while thinking about what to write to you today, I took a walk. I took a walk in the forest near home to declutter my mind. I don’t know how that turned out. I feel much better now and the computer is not repulvise anymore.
I have a lot of explaining to do but I don’t if this is the right forum. I hope that we can talk soon so that we clear the air.
I walked out on you and I am sorry about that. Now, it is clear that my life is not complete without you in it.

While growing up, I longed to be an adult. Now that I am an adult; I look back with longing at my childhood and sometimes I wish I could turn back the hands of time and be a child one more time. I had a wonderful childhood and I would never change anything about it. I grew around loving parents and crazy simblings. Home is still magical and the reunions (now that the simblings are scattered all over the world) are nothing short of the madness expected. I am blessed beyond measure.
I choose happiness.

I digress. I am sorry that I walked out on you. You see, I was ashamed.
Ashamed that I could not look you in the eye and tell you that I failed you;
Ashamed that I let you down;
Ashamed of the monster I became instead of the man I should have been;
I now see how much I wronged you.

Benjamin Franklin said that; “Never ruin an apology with an excuse
Therefore, it is better that I end this post here.

You mean more than you know
You mean more than you know

Image source: Google Images

I hope to hear from you soon!

Much love.

Day 3… [3-day Quote challenge]


I lie here in silence

The walls are bare

Your scent lingers the room

Maybe I was wrong.

 

It could have been

Yet it never was

So I lie here in silence

Waiting and hoping

 

Let us take that walk

Dare to dream again

Let us be once more

Who thought we could be!

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A great day to you!

 

Quote of the day:

Be happy in the moment. that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”

Mother Theresa